HILLARY FUMES AS POLLS SHOW SHE IS IN A VIRTUAL TIE WITH DONALD TRUMP

Washington, DC May 22, 2016
“I’m not sure I want to win now. I mean even if I’m victorious and become the first female Commander in Chief, I’d be presiding over a population many of whom would elect a known con-man game-show host to lead them. Look, what am I supposed to do with these rubes? They can be manipulated, connived and convinced to turn over the keys to our arsenal to someone with zero experience and a track record of deception that goes back decades. He even wrote proudly about it in his series of how-to books. Bragging about it really. Saying he had men move around equipment at a future casino site to give the appearance to bankers that his project was underway so that he could borrow money from them. That’s what a con is. Building up confidence in something or someone based on untrue statements or illusions. I mean ask him. He’s not shy about it. So, I’m in a quandary. Even if I win, I’d be leading millions of people who bought the line Trump was selling and wanted him as their leader. I mean they know he makes many of his products overseas and then rails at companies that do the same. He vets his VP candidates by requiring their tax returns but he won’t reveal his own. It’s a do what I say not what I do mentality and his followers just don’t seem to care. I’ll keep running but exactly what kind of a population do I get if I win?” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS I’LL HAVE PAUL RYANS FULL SUPPORT

Washington, DC May 15, 2016
“Look Paul needs to go through this dance. I get it. But in the end he knows where his bread is buttered. Every member of the house feeds at the troth and I’ve got the biggest troth. It’s just a matter of time. They’re all kissing up now. Not every one, but almost every one and soon we’ll be one big happy family with me at the head of the table. They can say whatever they want and do whatever they want but when push comes to shove they’ll get in line and follow the leader – me. I’ve been through this a million times. All the opposition, posturing, disagreements and in the end they’re struggling for nothing. I’ll win as winners do and they’ll want to be associated with a winner. Their claims of moral superiority will go by the wayside as in the end they’ll just do what they think is in their own best interest and that always means rationalizing anything to be friends with the President. And that will be me.” —slater.com©

TRUMP ANNOUNCES FORMATION OF 24/7 TRUMP CHANNEL

New York,NY May 9,2016
“I appreciate the 2 Billion dollars in free media coverage, believe me. But I can’t be at the beck and call of the media after I am sworn in as President. I must retain my complete broadcast independence. Under the full ownership of my family, Trump Media will run comprehensive coverage of my every move during my time in office. I will appear on the channel daily to update the nation on my accomplishments in real time. Broadcasts will be concurrent on all forms of media including print, digital, video and over the air. Additionally I will invest in jumbotron sized billboards running my announcements mostly commercial free strategically placed throughout the nation. Communication is key and I want to keep everyone fully informed of our progress on an up to the minute basis. If you are a working person and cannot watch live you should watch Trump2, my rebroadcast channel running highlights of my day in a progressive loop. One way or another you will be fully aware of my daily pronouncements and can act accordingly. My family will run the operation so that I know there are no shenanigans going on and that fairness and truth rule the day”. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HIS VICTORY WAS INEVITABLE

New York, NY May 5, 2016
“I am and always will be a winner. I win. And I keep on winning. When you understand the winning mentality completely you begin to grasp what I will do for this country. I will return us to winning status. Like me we will be winners again. Winners who win. And keep on winning. Not winning occasionally or sporadically but winning often and always. Winners win and leaders return their organization, teams and countries,if you will, back to a winning mentality. The US has lost so often for so long we can’t even conceive of what it is like to prevail continually. But I can and I’ll bring that victorious spirit back to America and quickly I might add. Very quickly. I’m not superhuman, I just know how to win. I know the angles. I know the weak points of my opponents. And I know what buttons to press and when. Whether you voted for me or not, know this – You’re about to go for a ride like you’ve never been on before. A ride that leads to triumph after triumph. Victory after victory. Nobody will tread on us and take advantage of our generosity again. We will help people, but we need to rebuild our country first. When your boat is taking on water you don’t throw lifelines to everybody. After all do you want to pull people who are in trouble onto a ship that’s also in distress? No, you repair your ship and then you can reach out to help everyone else. I will repair the SS United States even if it takes more than the currently authorized 2 terms”. —slater.com©

CRUZ SAYS HE KNOWS HE WON’T WIN BUT CAN’T STOP RUNNING

Indianapolis,IN May 3, 2016
“I know I can’t win but I don’t want to stop. I love it out here. The people. The crowds. The cheers. Even the jeers. The energy of so many Americans participating in this nomination process is exhilarating. I’m afraid I’m changing from trusTED to addicTED. AddicTED to the constant media interaction and the argumentation and debate. I really love it. Mainly I know what happens when I drop out. I won’t be in the eye of the hurricane anymore. My colleagues in the Senate won’t exactly welcome me back with open arms either. I’ll be in a kind of no mans land, not a candidate and not really supported in my current job. That’s why I thought I’d juice up the coverage with a VP but the buzz didn’t last as long as I thought it would. When Carly fell off the stage yesterday I wasn’t really sure what was going on. I guess I should have gone over to see if she was OK but I was glad-handing and I know my time in the spotlight is almost over so I’m savoring every minute. I’m sure she’ll understand. We weren’t exactly destined to be together for much longer anyway”. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS 2006 MOVIE IDIOCRACY CONVINCED HIM TO RUN

New York, NY May 1st, 2016
“When I first watched the movie Idiocracy I thought y’know it was kinda funny. But as I pondered the message I knew it was directed at me. It was I who would lead the country through this turbulent time. It was me who would take the reigns and gallop America accross the finish line to a new prosperity. Only I could help to pull America out of the muddy ditch that the dumbest of the dumb dragged us down into. I saw the movie and I said out loud, they’re talking about me. They’re talking to me. It’s about me. Money is a fun game but it was time for me to give back and dedicate my time to the American people. And so I launched the campaign first in my mind. And now here I am today on the verge of becoming the President of the United States of America. Just a Hollywood movie about the future and now I’m living it out. It’s like a hazy dream really. I kinda see what’s up ahead but not entirely clearly. It’s a vision of America where I feel like I’m the only one who can pull it off. It’s my job, my responsibility. I’ve got to do it. Who else can? No one. So it’s up to me. I’m like that guy in the movie who the Army inadvertently sent to the future. He found himself unexpectedly President of the United States and I’m sensing that I’ll have the same destiny as he did.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE WILL RETURN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY TO FRANCE

New York, NY April 23, 2016
“I’ve had it with us accepting the hungry, tired and poor. Let them eat and get some rest where they were born. That statue is like a wretched billboard attracting just the kind of people we could very well do without. You know what I mean. I already know what you’re gonna say. Donald, your parents came from Germany and Scotland and were welcomed with open arms. Yeah, that was then when people of upstanding character came to the US with a debt to repay by working hard, learning to speak English and respecting the integrity of the nations culture. Now it’s a free for all where divergent goups gather together and set up armed war camps here in the US where they hate the very country that takes them in. And they grope onto every free handout program that we set up for the truly disadvantaged causing less resources to be available for those seriously in need and already here. I will admit that the statue is a nice piece of handiwork. It’s really too nice to leave to rust in the harbor. As a token of my gratitude to France and out of brotherly love I will dismantle the statue, pack up the pieces and fund an armed flotilla returning it to the very country that created it for them to do with as they see fit. I will replace the statue with a similarly sized statue bearing the distinct likeness of me, at my own expense of course. This new statue will represent the will of the people overturning the unfair rules of the Republican Party. As long as that statue of me remains standing in that spot everyone will know that an immigrant family can arrive in America virtually penniless and bear a son who can rise to be the richest most powerful man on the planet, GOP notwithstanding. The plaque at the base of the new statue of me will read in part: Bring us your best. We are the greatest country on earth and we are recruiting for the smartest, kindest, most industrious, inventive, healthy, hard working, loyal citizens on the planet. We charge an admission fee of 15% of your earnings – plus all applicable Federal and State taxes – for the first 10 years you are here and if you have been an upstanding individual and are all paid up you can become a citizen as long as you speak fluent English and can pass a brief history test including my life story. I am especially excited to get this copper lady back to France as I honor the original sculptor, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi by restoring the statue to its rightful homeland. Bartholdi’s true intentions for the metal colossus were to highlight the liberty of the US and inspire France to move away from a repressive monarchy while calling for true Democracy. It is my hope that returning Lady Liberty to France will finally show that her work here in the US is done and that her new assignment must be in her homeland where her light can shine brightly for another 130 years.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE HAS ENOUGH VOTES TO TAKE OVER THE GOP

New York, NY April 18, 2016
“We’ve got to make a change here. I mean these guys running the GOP are acting like a third world country. They’re also boring. Republicans need someone like me with a little color. A little pizazz and a little oomph. If the convention is just a big show then who in the party should be the ringmaster? If I’ve been accused of being a circus huckster why not use me to pump up the volume? I can rock Cleveland and get the crowd going. I told Reince that we need to play to our strengths and I’m the showman and he knows it. I’m the only cross-over candidate that’s working in Politics today. The last showman in the biz was Ronny Reagan. President of the Screen Actors Guild and Hollywood prince. That boy could act. He could communicate and he could get a crowd moving in the right direction. I’m his natural heir. There’s no doubt in my mind that I am the new Reagan and I have the cross-over Democrats to prove it. Let’s have a party in Cleveland for the ages and stick together to bring down the house, so to speak. Hillary won’t stand a chance against me when I’m running the GOP because I don’t pull punches and I don’t hold back. She will be toast if I’m in charge. Y’know the President is the defacto leader of the party. I figure if I have the most delegates then most of the people want me to lead the party. There’s no reason to wait for the election. We should move to put someone in charge of the party other than Reince. He needs to go and I mean now. How is he helping us? In what way? He lets lying Ted get away with all kinds of stuff and let’s face it – the party is in almost total disarray. I mean look up the meaning of disarray. A party needs to be arrayed not disarrayed. Since he has already failed he needs to be moved out pronto and but quick. Let’s temporarily leave me in charge so we can smoothly and with a little flair put on a great show for the country broadcast live from Cleveland. I’ll run the convention like a pro and if by chance I don’t win, I’ll bow out gracefully”. —slater.com©

BERNIE SAYS HE’S TAKING THE GLOVES OFF

New York, NY April 14, 2016
“I’m not gonna let them steal this election from the people without a fight! This country belongs to the people of the United States. All the people of the United States. Not just the millionaires and billionaires. Hillary wants a war. She got it! So one of the speakers at my rally in Washington Square Park last night made a comment that she took personally. It was about what you call someone who sells themselves for money. Hey guess what Hillary? What do you think would be appropriate to call someone who does just that? Yeah, maybe a slightly nicer word but the meaning is the same. You give speeches to Verizon, Goldman Sachs you name it. These speeches are really bribes for future favors. What? How dare you call speeches bribes, right? Look, what kind of an ego do you need to really believe that companies and countries really want to hear what you have to say to the tune of millions of dollars. They, as you know, are just trying to curry favor with you now and in the future. You’re looking for their backing and they’re looking for you to promote their agenda or at least not stop their progress. Oh don’t worry Hill dear, I wasn’t intimating that it’s just you. Do you really believe that Japan needed to give Ronald Reagan millions of dollars after he left office to hear him restate what he freely spoke of when in office. Hillary this is your establishments way of accepting dignified bribes. You and the Republicans aren’t fooling anyone. This is boldfaced lobbying and outright influence peddling. In the third world bribes are handed off in satchels full of cash. In your straight-laced above-board inner circle these payments are thoroughly washed by fronting them with business and speaking opportunities. It’s nothing more than a storefront for the political elite of both parties. Hey guess what Hill? The cat’s out of the bag. You are exposed. OK, you may wind up being President but the curtain is gonna be pulled back by me now and after the election as well. And please don’t let one of the unfortunate situations happen to me that seem to follow people on your enemies list. My thunderous youthful minions will run towards your White House with torches ablaze if you try it. Hey, here’s an idea. Why not work with us instead of falling back into your old ways? End on a high note for a change. Be authentic. Be real. Don’t be the eternal chameleon. Try reaching down into your own soul and finding your true self. You may just like what’s there. You probably haven’t seen it in a while. Get re-introduced. Either way though, I’m not going away. You’re gonna need to deal with me now and in the future. You will invite me to the White House for progressive talks. I’ll make it easy for you to recognize me when I get there. I’ll be the same person I’ve been for the last 50 years. Saying the same things. Authentically me. And I’ll be wearing the same suit and tie as well”. —slater.com©

HILLARY TRIES TO STEAL BERNIES FORMULA FOR COOL

New York, NY April 10, 2016
“We didn’t do it. Of all the things I’ve been accused of over all these years in politics, this takes the cake. We’re not trying to steal or emulate Bernies cool factor. Whatever he’s doing or saying that gives him the youth mojo is beyond me but I’ve just got to be whatever I am and I’m certainly not trying to act like anyone else. Look I know that Bernie is the it girl right now but I’ve got gravitas. Gravitas is what a President needs and experience of course and I have a boat load of both of these key ingredients. You want the kids waving signs and demanding free college, call him. You want a President with decades of real on-the-ground experience with leaders of all stripes from around the world, I’m your man – so to speak. OK I get it, kids are altruistic, hopeful, energetic and moral. I remember the feeling. But once you see how the sausage gets made, you become a little more of a realist, trust me. Watching what goes into the political meat grinder isn’t pretty but a good recipe can yield a great tasting meal no matter what it looks like going in. You want someone from the green hills of Vermont belting out a tune from the Sound of Music or a time-tested hardcore DC political dynamo like me? You want hopes and dreams and free stuff from your beloved Bern or a well-seasoned slightly jaded realist who can operate the levers of power in the nations capital? You know I could become a little more unkempt. Let my hair blow in the wind. Wear the same clothes day after day. Be defiant. Act all holier than thou and self righteous. But I need to project potential Presidentiality. I won’t go out and speak to an audience looking like I just woke up. I won’t do it. There’s a difference between a little casual Friday and a disrespectful demeanor. I’d like to think that I can be informal at the appropriate times but by and large this election is about who will lead the free world for four or possibly eight years. I will not forgo the dignity of my hotel room just to pitch a tent and unroll my sleeping bag in Central Park like Bernie is. I won’t sleep in the dirt just to super-pander to the Birkenstock beach club. Of course I do recognize that I am walking a fine line here as I will ultimately need Bernies kids to vote for me. So I need to somehow keep my chin up while he defeats me in state after state. The party presciently put super-delegates in place decades ago to avoid a brief but powerful swell of unwanted populism. This means I have already all but won the nomination. But I need to keep up the image of a struggle to give a kind of psudo-credit to Bernie and his groupies. It’s like walking on a silk tightrope. I kinda already won but my opponent semi-controls a big part of the audience I’ll need for my ultimate Presidential victory. So I can scold him and send him to his room but not too harshly. I can ground him but not the night of a good concert. But I can’t afford to push him too far away from me. That’s because after I’m declared the Democratic nominee, we’ll kill the fatted calf and welcome our wayward son home to the party with open arms”. —slater.com©